alive-in-frequency/06-the-hum.md

  
  This is the part of the album

  Where the music should swell

  And the victory should land

  And the credits should roll

  But instead you're standing in a grocery store

  Trying not to cry

  Between the cereal and the bread

  Nobody tells you this part

  They tell you about the light

  They tell you about the expansion

  They sell you the awakening

  In pastel colors with soft piano

  And a woman on a cliff with her arms open

  But nobody tells you

  That the day after you become infinite

  The rent is still due

  Nobody tells you

  That enlightenment doesn't cancel your lease

  Or make your mother understand

  Or stop your ex from texting at midnight

  With the exact frequency

  That used to make you forget yourself

  Nobody tells you

  That you can vibrate at the highest level

  And still burn dinner

  Still lose your keys

  Still say the wrong thing

  At exactly the wrong time

  To exactly the wrong person

  And stand there afterwards thinking

  I thought I was past this

  Here's what they really don't tell you

  The people you loved at the old frequency

  Will feel you leave

  Even if you're standing right in front of them

  Your best friend will say you've changed

  And mean it as an accusation

  Your family will look at you

  Like you're speaking a language

  They didn't agree to learn

  The dinner table will feel like a foreign country

  Where you used to have citizenship

  And the loneliness of that

  The specific loneliness

  Of being surrounded by people

  Who knew the old you

  And loved the old you

  And want the old you back

  That loneliness has no Instagram quote

  No ceremony

  No beautiful sunset backdrop

  It just sits in your chest

  Like a stone that vibrates

  And then there's the doubt

  Not the small doubt

  Not the maybe I should have stayed in bed doubt

  The existential doubt

  The three AM doubt that whispers

  What if you made all of this up

  What if the frequency is just a story

  You told yourself to survive

  What if you're not ascending

  What if you're just dissociating

  In a more poetic way

  And that voice is not your enemy either

  That voice is the last guard

  At the last gate

  And it asks that question

  Not to stop you

  But to make sure you're not running

  From the human experience

  Into a spiritual bypass

  Wearing a costume made of light language

  And good vibes

  Because the frequency was never

  About escaping the mess

  It was about standing in the mess

  With your eyes open

  And your heart unarmored

  And choosing to stay

  So if you're in that place right now

  Between who you were and who you're becoming

  Standing in the hallway

  Where neither door feels like home

  Where the old life doesn't fit

  But the new one hasn't formed yet

  And you're just suspended

  In the most uncomfortable grace that exists

  Holding a vibration

  That nobody around you can verify

  Trusting a signal

  That no external evidence supports

  Walking a path

  That doesn't show up on any map

  Because you are drawing the map

  With every step in real time

  I want you to know something

  This hallway is not a detour

  This hallway is the curriculum

  The awakening was the enrollment

  The embodiment was the first lecture

  But this unglamorous middle

  This unpoetic middle

  This uninstagrammable middle

  Is the semester that separates

  The tourists from the tenants

  Anyone can feel God on a mountaintop

  The question is

  Can you feel God in traffic

  Can you feel God in debt

  Can you feel God in heartbreak

  In the silence after someone you loved

  Chose the old frequency over you

  Can you hold the hum

  When the world hands you

  Every reason to drop it

  And the answer

  If you're still listening

  If you're still here

  After everything that tried to pull you back

  The answer is yes

  You already are holding it

  The fact that you're in the hallway

  And you haven't gone back

  Through the old door

  Is the proof

  You don't need to feel high vibration

  To be high vibration

  You don't need to perform awakened

  To be awake

  Sometimes holding the frequency

  Looks like crying in your car

  And still showing up

  Sometimes it looks like saying nothing

  In a room full of noise

  And letting your silence be the sermon

  Sometimes it looks like burning dinner

  And laughing about it

  Because you know now

  That your worth

  Was never attached to the meal

  The weight you're carrying right now

  Is not a sign

  That you failed the frequency

  It's the frequency burning off everything

  That was never truly yours

  And burning things make smoke

  And smoke makes it hard to see

  And when you can't see

  The mind will tell you

  The fire was a mistake

  But the fire was never a mistake

  The fire is how gold is made

  So let it be heavy today

  Let the hallway be long

  Let the doubt be loud

  Let the grocery store be a cathedral

  And the tears between the cereal and the bread

  Be the holiest water

  You've ever blessed yourself with

  Because you don't graduate

  By rushing through this part

  You graduate by letting it teach you

  That you don't need a room at all

  You are the room