alive-in-frequency/05-grocery-store-cereal.md
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This is the part of the album
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Where the music should swell
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And the victory should land
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And the credits should roll
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But instead you're standing in a grocery store
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Trying not to cry
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Between the cereal and the bread
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Nobody tells you this part
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They tell you about the light
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They tell you about the expansion
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They sell you the awakening
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In pastel colors with soft piano
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And a woman on a cliff with her arms open
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But nobody tells you
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That the day after you become infinite
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The rent is still due
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Nobody tells you enlightenment
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Doesn't cancel your lease
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Or make your mother understand
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Or stop your ex from texting at midnight
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With the exact frequency
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That used to make you
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That used to make you forget yourself
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That you can vibrate
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That you can vibrate at the highest level
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Still lose your keys
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Still say the wrong thing
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At exactly the wrong time
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To exactly the wrong person
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And stand there afterwards thinking
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Here's what they really
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Here's what they really don't tell you
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The people you loved at the old frequency
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Even if you're standing
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Even if you're standing right in front of them
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Your best friend will say you've changed
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And mean it as an accusation
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Like you're speaking
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Like you're speaking a language
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The dinner table will feel
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The dinner table will feel like a foreign country
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Where you used to have citizenship
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The specific loneliness
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Of being surrounded
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Of being surrounded by people who knew the old you
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And want the old you back
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That loneliness has no Instagram quote
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No beautiful sunset backdrop
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It just sits in your chest
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Like a stone
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Like a stone that vibrates
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And then there's the doubt
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Not the small doubt
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Not the maybe
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Not the maybe I should have stayed in bed doubt
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The three AM doubt
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The three AM doubt that whispers
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What if you made all of this up
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What if the frequency is just a story
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You told yourself to survive
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What if you're just dissociating
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In a more poetic way
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And that voice
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And that voice is not your enemy either
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That voice is the last guard at the last gate
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Not to stop you
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But to make sure
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But to make sure you're not running
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Wearing a costume
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Wearing a costume made of light language
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Because the frequency
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Because the frequency was never
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About escaping the mess
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It was about standing in the mess
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And your heart unarmored
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And choosing to stay
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So if you're in that place
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So if you're in that place right now
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Between who you were and who you're becoming
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Where neither door
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Where neither door feels like home
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Where the old life doesn't fit
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But the new one hasn't formed yet
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In the most uncomfortable
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In the most uncomfortable grace that exists
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Holding a vibration
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That nobody around you
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That nobody around you can verify
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That no external evidence
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That no external evidence supports
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That doesn't show up
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That doesn't show up on any map
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Because you are drawing the map
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With every step in real time
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Because you are drawing
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This hallway
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This hallway is not a detour
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This hallway is the curriculum
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The awakening was the enrollment
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The embodiment was the first lecture
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But this unglamorous middle
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This unpoetic middle
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This uninstagrammable middle
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Is the semester that separates
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The tourists from the tenants
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This hallway
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Anyone can feel God on a mountaintop
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Can you feel God
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Can you feel God in traffic
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Can you feel God in debt
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Can you feel God in heartbreak
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Can you feel God in the silence
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Chose the old frequency
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Chose the old frequency over you
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When the world hands you
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When the world hands you every reason to drop it
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And the answer
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If you're still listening
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If you're still here
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After everything
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After everything that tried to pull you back
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You already are
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You already are holding it
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The fact that you're
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The fact that you're in the hallway
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And you haven't gone back through the old door
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You don't need to feel high vibration
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You don't need to perform awakened
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Sometimes holding
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Sometimes holding the frequency
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Looks like crying in your car
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Sometimes it looks like saying nothing
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And letting your silence
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And letting your silence be the sermon
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Sometimes it looks like burning dinner
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Because you know now
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That your worth
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That your worth was never attached to the meal
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The weight you're carrying
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The weight you're carrying right now
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Is not a sign that you failed the frequency
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It's the frequency burning off everything
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And burning things make smoke
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And smoke makes it hard to see
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The mind will tell you
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The mind will tell you the fire was a mistake
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But the fire was never a mistake
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The fire is how gold is made
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But the fire
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Let the hallway be long
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Let the doubt be loud
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Let the grocery store be a cathedral
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And the tears between the cereal and the bread
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You've ever blessed
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You've ever blessed yourself with
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Because you don't graduate
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By rushing through this part
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You graduate
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You graduate by letting it teach you
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That you don't need a room at all
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You are the room